P.T.S.D
May is Mental Health Awareness. As we wrap up the month I want to take a few minutes to give an update on my very own mental state.
The Short Story
In April, 2022 I was involved in a motor vehicle collision after I left my office and was on a route I take on a regular basis downtown. Halfway to my destination, a young female riding a Moped Scooter struck the side of my work truck in my blind spot. I didn't see the actual collision, but I definitely heard it and shortly after I slowed down to pull over, It felt that I had driven over a speed bump. Once I stopped and checked out the situation and heard from witnesses, the impact cause her to slide underneath my work truck and that was the speed bump that I had felt. She would eventually succumb to her injuries.
The aftermath
Initially that whole day I seemed to have alot of adrenaline. I was still trying to process what had just happened, or even figure out how it happened. A few hours later after they finished up the police investigation, I returned back to my office to fill out some statements and went home for the rest of the day. I stopped going to work. It wasn't until a few days after the accident I realized that I had a problem. I didn't feel like my normal self. I was starting to have mood swings, nightmares and flashbacks. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't drive, nor did I want to drive anymore. During the next month I started to see the effects that the accident also had on my family. They were very much affected by this as I was. Certain things that didn't bother me before were being harder for me to deal with. I could no longer enjoy being around crowds or gatherings without developing anxiety or stress.
Getting Help
Around June I started looking around for mental health providers. Being off from work I thought it would be able to find one immediately, but it was no easy task. As a federal government employee many couldn't see me because of certain conditions. But I kept trying, and by the end of July I eventually found a psychiatrist willing to take me in even though he was booked out for several months. We made it work. He would see me every week on his lunch break until a open spot became available. There were even times I would see him on holidays. He believes in me and has been more of a friend than a doctor. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. Over the next several months he taught me ways to better understand my condition and gave me tools to help me get back on the right track. The ultimate goal is getting back to work and to be able to drive again. He has made himself available to me 24/7. It's currently a work in progress. Whereas some days I have are good and some days are down right bad. But we're getting there. Things are getting better.
Conclusion
Mental health can happen to anyone of us regardless of age, gender or race. It can happen just out of nowhere. I would be lying if said I wasn't a little hesitant to get help early on proceeding the accident. I didn't want anyone to think I was a weirdo seeing a shrink. But I found out that it's the complete opposite. I wasn't myself anyway. So I gave it a shot and I'm really glad that I did. I was finally able to return back to work last February in limited capacity and will be full capacity very soon. I am driving again and trying my best to be a better person than I was before. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, reach out to someone willing to listen. Someone willing to understand the feelings you have. Unfortunately not everyone will be considerate or understand unless it has happened to them personally. I'm an example of that, simply because I'm a big guy with tattoos, there might have been some that had a hard time believing I was truly suffering inside. It would be more concerning if i didn't feel any emotion at all. The truth is I would be a total piece of shit if I didn't have any care in the world after that day.
Helpful Links
findtreatment.gov/: The confidential and anonymous resource for people seeking treatment for mental and substance use disorders in the U.S. and its territories.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, as well as best practices for professionals in the US.
National Alliance on Mental Illness: A national organization that provides advocacy, education, support and public awareness so all individuals and families affected by mental illness can build better lives.
The Trevor Project: 24/7 crisis support services to LGBTQ+ young people. Text, chat or call anytime to reach a trained counselor.
